Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
