she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They took my balls.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
