I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
