Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
