So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
its liver damage thursday
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
