if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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