Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
