Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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