How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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