He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
