I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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