My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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