How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
