Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
