I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
