I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
