can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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