so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
