In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
