He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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