so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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