I just cut my nipple shaving
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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