Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
