I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
