She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
