And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
