I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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