mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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