I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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