I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're a waste of cheezeits
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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