1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
