And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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