Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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