Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
