If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ttyl tear gas
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
