I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
