I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
