thus making me awesome and them whores
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's shark week go big or go home
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
