I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
