I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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