I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
