i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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