I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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