yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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