did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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