My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
