I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They have beer where we have blood.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
