I feel like abortions should bother me more
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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