So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
