Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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