In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
