This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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