My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize