Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
