i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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