I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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