So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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