I showed him my bush... on skype.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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