WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
