well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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