i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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