so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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