when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize