Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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