you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
