Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
