He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
