after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
